"The world is too big," she said, "but that doesn't mean we stop searching."
It hasn't been good lately. No, scratch that. It hasn't been good for a while. And every time I look out and am reminded of how much worse everything might be for others, I tell myself, maybe it actually has been good lately. But when I get home to my empty… Continue reading It hasn’t been good lately
I've always loved celebrating my birthday. I loved having one day every year where I can make resolutions and start anew, much more than I could restart on the first day of every year. Ever since I can remember, I would collect greetings made by people and store them away -- for safekeeping, for nostalgia,… Continue reading A quarter of a century old
[Credits to Morgan Harper Nichols for the image] Last week I caught myself thinking about how I thought I was in standstill -- the sixth month of the year and I felt I wasn't doing anything significant, and I was still me: unbelievably ordinary. It's been a sentiment I've been feeling since the… Continue reading A midyear review
I haven't written in forever. I mean, of course I have. Of course I've lifted a pen and doodled mindlessly, of course I've opened my laptop and written more deliberately -- articles of the academic kind, op-eds and such, of course I've been on Twitter and have let loose strings of thought that I… Continue reading How are yous and I am fines
Grief is such an odd thing, no? At any point during the day I could come across plenty of dogs, and I'd feel a tinge, but nothing too debilitating. If the sun's not too harsh and the owner is friendly enough, I'd even kneel in front of the dog to give him/her a pat. Probably… Continue reading Fin
Oftentimes when I reflect on the past year, I allow in my arsenal two things: a mind map, and an optimism to search for bright spots. For last 2018, both were unnecessary, because as it turns out, some years are just worse off than others. Rudimentarily, there were good times: falling in love and graduating… Continue reading The year that was
It's been exhausting being Filipino recently. One would think one would get numbed by the flurry of events: by incandescent words thrown almost blindly by the man the plurality made ruler, by disposed bodies of the unfortunate, by the crumbling institutions. I wish I'd just be numbed. Yet I'm glad I feel every bit of… Continue reading When bleak is bleakest
You think I don’t know what it’s like to not be beautiful? You speak like you do. You talk like you know of my struggles, like you’ve faced my pain, like you have witnessed me hunched over a toilet seat, a toothbrush dangling lazily from my lips, and not because I used it to clean… Continue reading Johari Window
Sitting in the car with the windows half-open, the muggy Manila air half-choking us with the heavy weight of smog, I turned to you, stared at your face half-asleep, and asked, "Are you happy?" In the only way you know how, you pressed the palms of your hand on your eyes, and you replied,… Continue reading A little less happy, a little more joyful: Christmas 2017
I wish I could stop inconveniencing my friends. I wish I could sleep at night and not be so goddamn frightened of the shadows cast by the nightlight I keep on, wish I weren’t jolted awake every 2 hours to quickened pulses and shallow breaths. I wish I didn’t have to be up at 4… Continue reading On the need for help
Of perpetual finds 