I haven’t written in a while.
Haven’t had the headspace nor the time, the words nor the heart to write. But this is for you, wherever in the world you are, written with the deep desire to let you know, because you should: the only way to know is through knowing.
Recently I’ve been into learning about the full versions of popular sayings — “Blood is thicker than water, but the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” for one; “Great minds think alike but fools rarely differ” for the other. My personal (new) favourite? “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.”
I guess that means, for me, that amidst confusion, it is worth it to know and understand in the end. Even if it’s painful, perhaps especially when it is.
I don’t know how I have been, really. If you were to ask me, I mean. The past two months have been a rollercoaster of emotions, of knowing but not asking, of wanting but not pushing, of needing but not needing. It’s confusing as hell, being able to sample requests off of your mouth, tasting them on your tongue, but not being sure if it’s even right to let them escape your lips.
When I told you that the first time, you did not seem short of bewildered, and I understand. What does that even mean? Sampling things before you say them?
Amidst the confusion, practicing saying I like you in front of the mirror was the one thing that gave me clarity. It was the proverbial pebble being lifted off of clear streams, the silence amid the raucous, the calm of my heart.
The one thing that felt right.
This is for you, wherever in the world you are, however you enjoy your coffee, whatever music you’re listening to, whether you think of me or not: I hope you find whatever it is that would make you want to stick around.
Not forever.
Just long enough to know.
Of perpetual finds 