The year’s yet to end, counting pre-hatched chickens is rarely my style, and quite certainly more things are about to take place, but it’s cold outside, I am sipping hot chocolate mixed with wine, and have filled my heart with writings from when I wasn’t so scared.
Maybe I can kid (read: persuade) myself into making promises I will try my hardest to fulfil. Perhaps they will be left forgotten by the dawn on the new year, will be remembered once I open my journal to seek inspiration, will ignite the hardened soul within. But today, I will write.
I will write about a renewed commitment to seek: the outdoors, the vast knowledge of life, within.
It would be folly to say that I have written much this year, and the year before, because I haven’t. I haven’t had neither the time to sit and marinate in brewed feelings nor the desire, quite honestly, to put thoughts into words.
I have only been floating — treading in a pool that invites peace, but not inspiration; have only been wading in shallow depths, feet barely touching the ground, head barely above surface, just there.
Have I always known where this writing would lead towards?
This is a promise to keep writing, and in order to keep writing, to keep growing. To explore unabashedly the gifts of the outdoors, and go to further depths and greater heights. To more leaps of faith, chance encounters, and surrender amidst greatness.
This is a promise to say yes more, but also to allow myself the opportunity to say no, and no longer maybe, we’ll see, I’m not sure, when I’m certain of my response. A vow to no longer wait when waiting will delay giving happiness a chance. A declaration to stay when leaving is unnecessary, to leave when staying is hurtful.
This is a promise towards strength and compassion, vulnerability and grace. To showing up more (not always), getting up more (not always), loving myself more (not always), but trying nonetheless.
This is a promise to chase colour again, to run after light; to seek comfort in friendship and laughter, and to relive those moments; to be a source of warmth, not unlike sunshine seeping in through cloudless, morose winters.
This is a promise to refuse fear.
To accept love.
To withstand pain.
To welcome healing.
To understand worth.
Of perpetual finds 