We were sitting on the sidewalks last night, just talking. Cigarette sticks turned cigarette butts left unnoticed, practically touching — burning — skin; frozen bottles of beer turned lukewarm; clock hands turning, now it is 11:14 PM, now it is 11:53 PM, now it is 12:32 AM, now it is 12:41.
We leaned back and looked at the stars for a bit, a habit we picked up from each other. We marvelled at the brightness of the sky — has it always been this clear? Have the stars always been this visible? We were in the centre of the city, maybe tonight the stars were shining differently.
We talked about the year that was. “2015,” I said, “went by too fast.” You swirled your nearly empty beer bottle and nodded an assent, you opened the pack and noticed two sticks left, you took one, presumably leaving the last for before we depart ways. “It did, I haven’t seen you guys in 7 months, but-“ Joanne cut you off, “-only the first month was hard. Now you’re back.” Enzo nodded, you nodded, I nodded.
We were in silence for a while, the music from the local bands filling the empty stretches. The clock continued ticking.
“Happy new year’s eve, guys.”
—
2015 went by fast. It came and went quietly, but not without the baggages it brought and left behind. People departed (and some permanently), things were said, relationships were severed.
But not all baggages weigh you down.
People grew (together), friendships were created, stories were shared, laughters were traded. There have been 11 new mountains, published articles, smarter choices.
There is a sense of unaccomplishment, of course. And there have been more self-doubts. It has been tough, it has been tough, but all things are 20/20 in retrospect, and I’ve learned this year is when I grew. I’ve finally learned to be comfortable in my skin, to choose my battles, and to be alright with being fine.
Lost in a limbo, but farther from where I started. And while that’s not great, that’s good.
And good is an achievement, too.
—
And before 2015 comes to close, and before quiet moments turn to raucous celebrations of massive proportions — a firecracker here, a happy child squealing there — let me tell you, whoever you are, thank you.
And further, let me tell you this — don’t just have a happy new year. Have a brave one, a trusting one, a beautiful one, a joyful one.
This time next year, I hope our goods become betters.
—
2016 will start uncertain, as new beginnings are wont to be.
And if a checklist were to be made, the only thing certain is that this year’s coming to a close. I smile and shrug as I type this; after all, when was I ever a fan of things set in stone?
Have a great year ahead, you (whoever you are, whether you read this in 2016, or 2019, or now, or again). I wish you stumbles and skids, I wish you rocky assaults and steep climbs, I wish you just enough hardships, just enough pain, just enough struggles, just enough tears. But also, I wish you fortitude. I wish you wisdom. I wish you joy. I wish you hope. I wish you love. I wish you amazing weather while you climb, cooperating knees while you walk, great company while you struggle, and great views when you reach the top.
I wish you music and laughter, stories and friendship. Burnt skin and great tans, ugly hair choices and great hair cuts, new scrapes and clear skin, wounded hearts and strong beating ones. I wish you colour, and air, and dancing. I wish you rest. I wish you life.
I wish you these, and, as I always have, I wish you more.
Happy new year.
Of perpetual finds 