I.
You have bad years. You have good years. And you have years that are positively out of this world, so much so that you feel writing about it won’t give it justice, no matter how hard you try.
But then again, I’ve always been a stubborn kid. So I will. Try, I mean.
At the start of the new year I promised myself one thing – that I won’t end it with regrets. And well, I guess the struggling overachiever in me took that vow seriously, because looking back, there’s positively nothing I wish I’d take back. Or completely redo.
From going on exchange to quite possibly falling in like for the first time, from my first NBA game to the first summit I’ve reached, from finally being a commander to random trips in the middle of the night, and from getting lost in Singapore to diving headfirst even without knowledge of how to swim, 2013 taught me it was okay to take a plunge – to not think, to have fun, and to let life take its course… because it will.
Too often it’s easy to overthink and to hyperrationalize, because doing so has always given me a modicum of control over my life. But this year grabbed me by the shoulder, stared me straight in the eye, and told me, “It’s fine. Don’t just do what you have to do, that’s easy. Rather, run after you want. Chase and chase and chase until you’re spent, but also, chase and chase and chase until you’re complete. Until you’re no longer left with wanting more, because you’ve done all you can.”
I guess that’s what I did, and while I know I may have lacked just a bit more courage, just a bit more recklessness, and just a bit more honesty, I think that’s precisely why I’m looking forward to the new year — because the new year would give me chances to continue to surprise myself. Because the new year would allow me to be surprised by life.
Because a new year would mean more chances for me to make a better person out of myself.
II.
Of course, I’m not immune to the fact that this year wasn’t exactly the best year for everyone – Haiyan caused a terrible disaster, Syria continues to be at war, crimes continue to occur, families repeatedly get broken. This year, though, I learned straight-up that things don’t last. People leave, friendships end, buildings crumble – but really, all we have to do is make the most out of the time we have. [Thank Gandalf for always reminding me so.]
Most importantly, though, this year taught me to hope.
III.
Because while I say that this year was mindblowing, I don’t say that it was my happiest. Bouts of depression would attest to that: days where I don’t eat, where I can’t sleep, and where the only thing that can make me feel better was staring into walls.
Throughout those, though, I won’t just say I’ve managed.
I’ll say I freaking made it.
I did it. And I’ll do it over and over and over again if I have to. Thank God for hope.
Thank God for life.
IV.
And so to ROTC, to LM, to YFC, to San Francisco, and to all the friends I’ve made in between – thank you. For allowing me to dream and for allowing me to realize them. To my family – thank you. For perpetually having my back despite the number of times I’ve pried your fingers from my shoulder. To God – thank You. For this, and everything that comes with it.
2013 was magnificent, but I’m looking forward to have it pale in comparison to the year that is to come.
Happy new year, everyone. Cheers to 2014.
Of perpetual finds 